I’m gonna go ahead and admit that the “Roast Yourself Challenge” title is just there for click bait reasons. I mean, this post did start like one a few days ago, but the “roast” part started to get a little too real. So this post is a revised version of some sort of mental breakdown I had after I discovered that I might finish my college this year.
Finishing college should be something that made you happy and excited, like the doors to the life you always wanted to have, for me it feels like being kicked out of the pub’s door. For a bunch of things that happened before I was expecting to have at least one more year in college, so I never really stopped to think about what was going to happen when it ended and what was I going to do. It was something far away in my thoughts. Now I get that big question not only in my head but being asked by every single one of my family:
So… What now?
When Stephen King said that the scariest part was starting, I guess he wasn’t talking only about writing. Start anything in our lives is as exciting as it is scary, and I have the terrible habit of shutting down anything that threatens me. Including feelings. Since I’m being honest, especially feelings. In fear of having anxiety attacks like I had last year I became numb to everything. I was going to another country for five months all by myself and when people asked me if I was excited I had to lie and say “Yeah, a lot… sure” when inside my head the answer was “meh…“.
I’ve tricked myself into thinking that I don’t recognize myself anymore, when in fact, I’m just too scared of facing my own ambitions. I know exactly the answer to that question above but I don’t want to do it because I’m afraid of failing and afraid of what people will say to me when
(if) I do.
This is usually the part of the post where I give every potential reader a piece of advice that will change their lives (at least I’ll wish that advice was that good). But I’m sorry to tell you just now, at the end, that this is a selfish post. This is just here for me to remind myself that keeping things only in my mind won’t change anything around me. What was supposed to be a “Roast Yourself Challenge” ended up being a completely different thing. So, to compensate you on that here is a video I made of my dog being adorable.